letting it ALL out - again.

I was going to post this last night before bed, but I wanted a chance to sleep on it..get my thoughts together & see if they changed.

They haven't - so here goes.

Dating is a funny & confusing this. When you meet someone, you put on your best "face" & tell them all of your shining qualities.  Take them to the nicest restaurant in the city, hang on to their every word and when the night is over, you send them a cutesy email/ text telling them what a great time you had and how their "fragrance is still lingering on your shirt." 

*insert yeah right face right about....here*

As the days turn into a week...the weeks into months, you slowly begin to see someone who you realize you're not all that acquainted with.  By this time, most likely, you've already begun to develop feelings for the original person you were presented with, and you have no clue what to do - so you wing it.  You pretend that watching re-runs of  The Office is your favorite weekend activity, that their snoring is " not all that bad" , sex is an overrated activity better left to the HS kids - and that paying $5 for a great cup of Starbucks IS absurd.

All the while, you're trying to find just one good excuse to get out and run for the hills.

So, you finally muster up enough courage & strength to say, " I've had enough". Not to say that you didn't love the person, but you realize that in the process of loving them & being there - you lost yourself.  You stopped being all the things that YOU love about yourself and transformed into this...being - to accommodate your mate....and it hurts - a lot.  But, in all the pain & anguish, you see a light...and it's warm against your flesh.

It is in that moment, when you've found yourself again.