12 things holding you back.

I hope that by the time you finish reading this list, you've re-evaluated your life and the things you allow to take up unnecessary space in your world.

1. A sense of entitlement about the amount of material things you think you deserve in life, especially when it's too much, much more than you need to be safe & comfortable.

2. The phone numbers of people that never, EVER call or text you first and often don't respond when you contact them first.

3. Facebook friendships with people you don't really know, don't care about, and post ridiculous things that make you roll your eyes.

4. Subscriptions to magazines that make you feel ugly, fat, poor and unstylish.

5. Resentment for your friends who are in happy relationships because part of you feels like them having love somehow means there is less hope out there for you.

6. People who constantly make weird comments about superficial things that make you feel really self - conscious.

7. Shame over the amount of debt you are living with.

8. Family members who make you feel terrible about yourself, who contribute nothing to your life, and whose only connection to you at this point is genetics.

9. Memories of the time that you label " the best time of your life", which makes you consciously feel as though everything else you do won't compare or will just be part of an overall downward slope.

10. Subscriptions to online stores that you can't afford, and which send you TONS of emails & texts about sales you should NOT be spending money on.

11. Junk food that you know you're going to binge eat if you keep them in your house. 

and the one that SHOULD have been #1, but I saved the best for last....

12. Love for people who will NEVER love you back, no matter how much energy you devote to caring about them & wondering what they're doing at this very moment. 

yes.

   

525, 600 minutes.

 With my birthday swiftly approaching, I decided to compile a list of all of the lessons life has taught me this past year.

1. In a relationship someone will always love someone less or more than the other one does
2.  Don’t fall for people you will never meet
3.  Sometimes people aren’t worthy of a second chance
4.  Enjoy the "butterflies" - even if just for a day
5. Men will almost always want more than just friendship
6.  People will always take credit for things you have achieved if you don’t speak up
7.  When you act more positively, people will react much more positively to you
8.  People will always take you for granted, friends especially
9.  Stop expecting people to do anything right - humans will fail you 99.99% of the time
10. Children are a blessing, even when they ruin your favorite things - like your waistline.
11.  Twilight is a stupid movie
12.  Sometimes saying thank you is all that person needed to hear
13.  Appreciate everyone and everything you have - because nothing lasts forever
14.  Sometimes the nicest words come from the strangest of places
15. Often the most beautiful people have no idea just how beautiful they are
16. Eventually, it will all make sense

Happiness - exit 1

One of the hardest decisions we ever make in life is leaving a relationship that just isn’t working. When attempts at repairing and working out issues aren’t working, it may be time to examine moving on. We are emotional creatures, and when our heartstrings are tied to those of another, separating from that person can feel like an act of courage. It is not something most of us will take lightly, and many of us will struggle with our desire to stay in a relationship that is unfulfilling simply in order to avoid that pain. We may question whether the happiness we seek even exists, and we may wonder if we might be wiser to simply settle where we are, making the best of what we have.On the one hand, we almost relish the idea that true happiness is not out there so that we can avoid the pain of change. On the other hand, we feel within ourselves a yearning to fulfill our desire for relationships that are vital and healing.

Ultimately, most of us will follow this call, because deep within ourselves we know that we deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy, no matter where we find ourselves in this moment, and we are all justified in moving, like plants toward the light, in the direction that leads to our greatest fulfillment. First, though, we may need to summon the courage to move on from the relationship that appears to be holding us back.Taking the first steps will be hard, but the happiness we find when we have freed ourselves from a situation that is draining our energy will outshine any hardship we undergo to get there. Keeping our eyes trained on the horizon, we begin the work of disentangling ourselves from the relationship that no longer fits. Every step brings us closer to a relationship that will work, and the freedom we need to find the happiness we deserve

If you understand this, you deserve a cookie

Ever get that feeling that you may be over-thinking certain things? Where you put one and one together and come up with a conclusion that, at the time, seems so reasonable it had to be true? The next day you would remember what you had concluded and thought “Im an idiot for thinking that.”This represents an example of the cliche “too smart for your own good.” As a one veers deep into thought, one loses oneself in it. Conclusions would be clouded with poor judgment, in spiraling downward deeper into oneself, one plus one may equal three and it would make sense. Without hesitation, you will come to believe one plus one equals three, and from then on, everything that you may add up differs from what is actual, and it would still make sense because one plus one equals three.Everyone has a dark side within them regardless of how you uphold yourself in front of family, friends, or even yourself. In a situation where you do not feel right in, an obvious answer would be to ask. But what if that becomes inconclusive? what then?

In an effort to try to make sense of a situation that seems so unsatisfactory, you would put one and one together to create three in efforts to avoid the obvious answer, leading to a bigger problem, avoiding the big picture.The big picture has many faces. All with its own unique characteristics that creates a different picture without them. One can conclude that one plus one equals three, but only if another plus one comes before or in between that. Without an extra one, three will not exist.To create a non-obvious answer, one would, somewhere along the lines, add another one within the equation to create a different answer. But what if they added too much ones? Another answer would arise resulting in further discourse.By the time a conclusion has been agreed upon by oneself, too many plus ones and minus ones have occurred. One mistake stacked on top of another creates a conclusion far beyond comprehension of others because it does not resemble fact, but more of fiction. Until you regain full consciousness, you would forget about the equation and take the discoursed conclusion as fact.

Have I lost you yet?

I dont expect anyone to purely understand this, but this is exactly how confusing my mind is right now.I know what their goal is, but is there an underlying reason for sugar-coating everything? Do they think Im stupid or am I just over-thinking things again? Could it be truth or could they have hidden motives?…..ugh

oye vey.

18 responses from complete & utter strangers later, and it's clear.

I'm a damn fool.

The question is...what do I do now?

How does something so wrong feel so...real?

yep.

and so it starts.

the denial
the confusion

the wanting to hold on....the prayers for more hands so you can hold tighter.
the rage that takes you back to the empty promises and bitter lies of years gone by.
the sadness that comes with acceptance of another mistake..that felt like the real thing


the regret.

save me.

Hi.

I've been neglectful - I know. I think it's because if I write it, it becomes real..more in my face. So, let's say I've been avoiding more than neglectful...yeah. SO, let's catch you up.

Since my last post, I've ended 2 relationships...both that were going nowhere quite rapidly. Both were mourned (one more than the other for obvious reasons). Once I decided to put myself out there, I met a slew of people, went on one horrible date and pretty embraced the fact I was going to be spending a lot of time with my vibrator & xnxx.com.

Then...I met her.

*sighs*

And world is spinning faster than ever before...and I'm emotional and weak and completely not in control of my heart. I want to run...but I can't....

...I don't like this.